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Latino Seeking Sweet Sexy Shorty Please respond with your approximate height and weight. I need it for the cage, I mean dress I'm planning on buying you.
I'm 5'8, percent snot-nosed, red-headed children tugging at my pants and ing me, "Daddy"), being single (may consider really hawt married chicks who won't cheat on me with their husband OR ANY ONE ELSE), faithful and STD free is a must. Are you moist yet? Then send me your photographs (full facial nudity appreciated - no mustaches please). If you don't, you'll never get to see me.... cause I will find you, then blind you.....
My ad was formerly known as, "Latino Still Seeking Chubby Shorty With a Pretty Face." That didn't work out too well. Some of the females who responded were scarier (not physiy, but mentally) than me. Yikes!! So I decided to stop discriminating against wealthy benefactors, publishers and those who are caloriy challenged. That's right ladies. I am now available to affluent, middle-class and impoverished women of all shapes and sizes, as long as you meet the aforementioned criteria in the preceding paragraphs and think you can handle me and my craziness. Yippee hippie! I feel like a kidney in a candy store. But wait, there's more! If you act now, you may win a date with me in knee pads. We can discuss who is going to be wearing the knee pads later.
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Disclaimer Part Deux: Most chicks who reply don't make it past the email or texting/ stage and the ones who do, I wish hadn't. Alas, whoa is me. Oh yes I did girlfriend. Whoa is me. See? I did it again for good measure. I'm controversial. You can't stop me. I'm out of control. Are you? If so, touché douché. That's French.
Much like its creator, this ad will remain a challenging work in progress until it is answered, by someone who is so cute, that Hello Kitty slashes their tires out of jealousy. And when that day comes, I shall weep - tears of joy my friends. Sweet tears of joy.
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